ab inito / from the beginning.

"I’m a traffic cop. The sirens are wailing but it’s me that wants to get away."

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:46:03 +1000

“I’m a traffic cop. The sirens are wailing but it’s me that wants to get away.”

- U2- No Line On The Horizon

Swallow

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:00:09 +1000

Jaymes: I… just swallowed my ball.

Hannah: What?

Jaymes: The ball of my barbell.

Hannah: Oh… that one.

Miss Universe says Guantanamo 'lots of fun'

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:59:09 +1100

Miss Universe says Guantanamo 'lots of fun':

Let’s all take a field trip to Guantanamo Bay… apparently it’s beautiful and tonnes of fun, hooray!

the new army.

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 22:55:51 +1100

Joshua: You know what we should do? Clone people without nervous systems to fight our wars. They’d still be able to move, they just wouldn’t feel anything.

Hannah: If you didn’t have a nervous system, you wouldn’t be doing anything, Josh.

Joshua: No. This will work.

our day from hell.

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 18:54:24 +1100

our day from hell.

encounter.

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 21:08:32 +1100

last tuesday night, i had an encounter with a group of men. i was with my cousin and her boyfriend, we had been going out to a concert and then making our way home by various means of transport (in the end including: trains, trams, buses and taxis). after a bus ride in which it felt like we were aboard the knight bus from harry potter, we disembarked at a small, deserted shopping center. nothing was open and nobody was about, i think the time was around midnight. i usually don’t mind being out late, nothing unnerving has ever happened to me before. you hear about these things, but you never expect them. my cousin was playing some music on her phone (just after she had complained about individuals who do that on the bus, mind you) and we immediately attracted the attention of some, i’m sure, well-meaning young men. their initial jibes of “hey, slut!” didn’t bother me too much. i’ve had this before, which always amuses me in a sense because, no, i’m not a slut and what would they know? anyway. i was instructed to start walking, which i did, but for any girl who has worn new and fairly uncomfortable shoes knows that a quick pace is hard to achieve. they continued yelling and although i heard them, i didn’t realise that the noise was getting closer, perhaps they were just keeping pace with us so the noise seemed steady, or perhaps i was trying to block it out, because my heart began thumping in my throat and ears. i heard it, can you walk any faster? i also heard the subtle tremors in his voice, the anxiousness. as i walked faster, so did they. i imagined them looking at my feet, and my calves, up the back of my thighs and… well, at that point i started to jog. but so did they. i could now distinctly hear their footfalls approaching behind me, chasing at my heels. they seemed to have suddenly became very close, much too close. i didn’t know how many there were, more than one, probably more than two. i didn’t dare look behind me, because then i would really see that i wasn’t that far ahead at all. i realised that i was falling behind and, wondered what would happen if they did catch up to me. would they grab at me, hit me? their calls of “i’ll fuck you up” did not relax me, along with their other sinister promises. i saw a petrol station ahead of me and, that was where we were headed. i was furiously concentrating on simply making it. we reached the light and, as if stung, i heard their footsteps retreating. they had most likely noticed that a male was with us, we were not, in fact, just two vulnerable girls. i was breathless by this stage and, my legs were shaking. their voices echoed, “hey, we were only joking…”

i wasn’t laughing.

Man tries to pay bill with spider drawing.

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:48:47 +1100

Man tries to pay bill with spider drawing.:

Don’t try this at home…

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 13:02:39 +1100

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”

- George W. Bush

grandfather.

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 13:53:06 +1100

“The only proof he needed for the existence of God was music.”

- Kurt Vonnegut.

I recently read A Man Without A Country by Kurt Vonnegut in about two hours. He would be a pretty cool grandfather to have, and I agree fairly wholeheartedly with the above quote.

frisbee.

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:39:00 +1100

Today I made a cheesecake, though it looked more like a frisbee than a cheesecake. I think it tasted more like a frisbee than a cheesecake, also.

I wrote a poem today, for the first time. I am proud. I was told that the idea behind poetry is to say something without saying it. I didn’t think that was possible, or even a good idea. Why not just say something, if you want to say it? That is why I stuck to prose, good old description and characters and plot. My poem may be terrible, but I wrote a poem. It’s something, and perhaps with some persistance, I will get better. One of the fabulous things about poetry nowadays is there are practically no rules or regulations, which means I am able to put a dash or a full stop wherever the bloody hell I like. I can write poetry, without knowing the full meaning of iambic pantameter. That is the beauty of art.

"There is no reason good can’t triumph over evil, if only angels will get organized along the..."

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 13:39:07 +1100

“There is no reason good can’t triumph over evil, if only angels will get organized along the lines of the mafia.”

- Kurt Vonnegut

Man's kiss ruptures girlfriend's eardrum

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:15:19 +1100

Man's kiss ruptures girlfriend's eardrum:

dear lord!

"Stories are like spider-webs, which man gets himself all tangled up in but which look so pretty when..."

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:10:04 +1100

“Stories are like spider-webs, which man gets himself all tangled up in but which look so pretty when you see them under a leaf in the morning dew and in the elegant way that they connect to one another, each to each.”

- Neil Gaiman’s “Anansi Boys”

The Bibles- internets edishun.

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 13:21:53 +1100

The Bibles- internets edishun.:

rofl.

read, it will do you good.

ounce, or pound?

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 23:57:57 +1100

Joshua: Doesn't a martini have vodka and gin in it?
Dad: I don't think so.
Joshua: I bet i'm right.
Dad: Look in that book we have, then.
Joshua: Yep, see! 8oz of vodka.

My brother does not pronounce oz as 'ounce', but literally as 'oz'.

Dad: Do you know what oz means?
Joshua: No idea... like a pound?
Hannah: Yes... a drink with 8 pounds of vodka...
Joshua: That's like the size of a baby!

maybe should have used a different font, how awkward.

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 23:42:34 +1100

maybe should have used a different font, how awkward.

"You like R. Kelly. Ooh you loves R. Kelly."

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 14:21:09 +1100

“You like R. Kelly. Ooh you loves R. Kelly.”

- R. Kelly in third person

eBay.

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 15:23:08 +1100

I’ve recently been selling some of my old text books on eBay to earn some cash. I’ve sold most of them and I received an email from one of the buyers saying:

“So how do I get the book off you?”

I really would have liked to write back and say:

“I will simply insert the book into my CD-ROM drive and type your address into the computer screen using my keyboard. Once I press the enter key, the book will automatically compress and magically transport thousands of miles to your address. You will then send me payment via the same method.”

This, however, may have left me with some negative feedback, which I did not want as I am an honest and friendly eBayer (buy my stuffs).

So instead I said:

“Send me a money order, or you can pay via PayPal.”

Reply: “What’s a money order?”

Sigh.

B&B.

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 20:49:29 +1100

the bold and the beautiful on 6pm weeknights.

everynight.

monday-friday.

replacing the simpsons.

are you kidding?!

bubblebath.

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 14:27:18 +1100

I had a bubble bath today. I scooped the bubbles together in my cupped palms, and blew gently so that they flew like flakes. They clung to my shoulders and felt weightless against my skin. I realised that this was the closest thing I would get to snow, although snow doesn’t generally smell like watermelon.