April 2009
3 posts
“I’m a traffic cop. The sirens are wailing but it’s me that wants to...”
– U2- No Line On The Horizon
Swallow
Jaymes: I… just swallowed my ball.
Hannah: What?
Jaymes: The ball of my barbell.
Hannah: Oh… that one.
March 2009
1 post
Miss Universe says Guantanamo 'lots of fun' →
Let’s all take a field trip to Guantanamo Bay… apparently it’s beautiful and tonnes of fun, hooray!
the new army.
Joshua: You know what we should do? Clone people without nervous systems to fight our wars. They’d still be able to move, they just wouldn’t feel anything.
Hannah: If you didn’t have a nervous system, you wouldn’t be doing anything, Josh.
Joshua: No. This will work.
February 2009
1 post
January 2009
3 posts
encounter.
last tuesday night, i had an encounter with a group of men. i was with my cousin and her boyfriend, we had been going out to a concert and then making our way home by various means of transport (in the end including: trains, trams, buses and taxis). after a bus ride in which it felt like we were aboard the knight bus from harry potter, we disembarked at a small, deserted shopping center. nothing...
Man tries to pay bill with spider drawing. →
Don’t try this at home…
“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”
– George W. Bush
December 2008
9 posts
grandfather.
“The only proof he needed for the existence of God was music.”
- Kurt Vonnegut.
I recently read A Man Without A Country by Kurt Vonnegut in about two hours. He would be a pretty cool grandfather to have, and I agree fairly wholeheartedly with the above quote.
frisbee.
Today I made a cheesecake, though it looked more like a frisbee than a cheesecake. I think it tasted more like a frisbee than a cheesecake, also.
I wrote a poem today, for the first time. I am proud. I was told that the idea behind poetry is to say something without saying it. I didn’t think that was possible, or even a good idea. Why not just say something, if you want to say it? That is...
“There is no reason good can’t triumph over evil, if only angels will get...”
– Kurt Vonnegut
Man's kiss ruptures girlfriend's eardrum →
dear lord!
“Stories are like spider-webs, which man gets himself all tangled up in but which...”
– Neil Gaiman’s “Anansi Boys”
The Bibles- internets edishun. →
rofl.
read, it will do you good.
ounce, or pound?
Joshua: Doesn't a martini have vodka and gin in it?
Dad: I don't think so.
Joshua: I bet i'm right.
Dad: Look in that book we have, then.
Joshua: Yep, see! 8oz of vodka.
My brother does not pronounce oz as 'ounce', but literally as 'oz'.
Dad: Do you know what oz means?
Joshua: No idea... like a pound?
Hannah: Yes... a drink with 8 pounds of vodka...
Joshua: That's like the size of a baby!
“You like R. Kelly. Ooh you loves R. Kelly.”
– R. Kelly in third person
November 2008
8 posts
eBay.
I’ve recently been selling some of my old text books on eBay to earn some cash. I’ve sold most of them and I received an email from one of the buyers saying:
“So how do I get the book off you?”
I really would have liked to write back and say:
“I will simply insert the book into my CD-ROM drive and type your address into the computer screen using my keyboard. Once I...
B&B.
the bold and the beautiful on 6pm weeknights.
everynight.
monday-friday.
replacing the simpsons.
are you kidding?!
bubblebath.
I had a bubble bath today. I scooped the bubbles together in my cupped palms, and blew gently so that they flew like flakes. They clung to my shoulders and felt weightless against my skin. I realised that this was the closest thing I would get to snow, although snow doesn’t generally smell like watermelon.
“Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.”
– Alice Walker
living life to the fullest?
How often is it that you hear someone say “I live life to the fullest” or “I live every moment as if it is my last”. Is this really possible?
I guess it depends on your criteria. What constitutes living life to the fullest? I most often hear celebrities spouting phrases such as this, however, these individuals evidently have the resources necessary for confronting life...
“Not all those who wander are lost”
– J.R.R. Tolkien
never miss a beat.
It’s funny what the mind can distort when one is by herself. The innocent creak of a side gate becomes the sinister opening of a switch-blade. The shadow of leaves cast upon the white wash wall becomes the dangling loop of a noose. The fleeting movement of the cat becomes the mass murderer you heard about on last nights six o’clock news. Your own breathing becomes irregular, shallow.
...